Is Remaining Close With Your Ex Good for New Relationships?By CupidBoss On March 31, 2011 Under Dating Tips
When a relationship door closes, most people feel that it’s a door that should STAY closed. After all, the relationship didn’t work out and you’re not likely to repeat the mistake of trying again. Yet, there are many couples that break up simply because they figure out that they’re better off as close friends. They may have even been friends before they decided to become a couple, only to realize that the right chemistry for a relationship just isn’t there. So they part ways amicably and stay on very good terms.
This is all well and good, for the most part. However, if you’re planning to become involved in a new relationship that you’re hoping will be the romantic one of your dreams, sometimes a friendship with an ex can go a long way in hindering your new connection. There are some steps that you can take if you’re serious about making your new relationship work but that’s actually the first thing you need to decide upon: How badly do you want the new relationship in your life to be something special? If the answer to that is a positive, you may need to make some other choices as time goes on.
The first thing that needs to happen is that your friendship with your ex needs to be put into proper perspective. Yes, of course you want to be a good friend. However, that shouldn’t entail something like interrupting or canceling a date with your new potential partner so you can go hold her or his hand because something went wrong in THAT relationship. If you’re still dropping everything to be with the ex, you may have some residual feelings that you haven’t dealt with just yet. Break too many dates with your new interest for your ex, though, and you won’t have to worry about breaking any more of them.
It’s fine if you want your ex and your new partner to meet at some point. Just be careful how you arrange that meeting. It may even make more sense to let your current partner know of your past relationship with your ex. When you’re able to explain how the chemistry just wasn’t there romantically, that may go a long way in removing any feelings of being threatened from your current partner. As long as you make it perfectly clear that you’re no longer a couple and you’re now only friends, it should be fine.
One other little thing that may hinder your new relationship due to being friends with your ex is if you continuously put your ex ahead of your new relationship. This is not the same thing as breaking dates to run and hold his or her hand. What this means is that you’re constantly going over to your ex’s so you can fix something that broke, or help with something around the house. This makes it look as if the two of you are still rather domestic instead of being just friends.
It’s a tricky line to tread. If you’re serious about making a new relationship work, you’ll need to make your choices and stick by them.